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Posts Tagged ‘life’

The Magnetic Fields

I just heard a song from their new album Distortion on an NPR show called “Fair Game“.   I had a few of their songs before my “infamous” hard drive crash, but had since forgotten them and this peek into their new music was intruiguing.  I really liked the few songs I heard on their myspace page (the only thing myspace is good for anyway…music). 

In other news – we’re still trying to get everything packed up.  I can’t believe how much stuff we’ve accumulated and how hard it can be to throw things away.  Things from my childhood, things from high school, college…it’s not that I am wrapped up in feeling that my life has been defined by material things.  Rather, the boxes of papers, photos, buttons and other odds and ends, somehow bring back all of my memories in a rush that is bittersweet and oh-so-pleasant.  Nostalgia is a melencholy emotion but one that I could never do without and in a strange way love to experience.  (So long as it’s not tinged with TOO much regret.) 

On the other hand, things that once seemed so important are now dismissed and tossed away with barely a glance and a flick of the hand which my husband knows to mean ‘bye-bye’. 

I constantly struggle with the desires to keep and to toss.  To retain and to purge.  It’s almost as if I’m afraif that letting go of those things means to accept losing those memories.  To fully close those chapters of my life, never to open the box again, squeal with joy and tenderly pull out the small momentos that remind me of long lost times and long lost people…is not something I can do easily. 

I think we all long for things past – Fitzgerald may have said it best in This Side of Paradise that we do not wish to regain our innocence.  We wish to lose it again.  I love that book and I love the idea, because going back to my old things gives me a chance to retravel the paths of my life from where I was to where I am. 

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Snow & Stories

Well we had quite a surprise little storm yesterday.  It was supposed to be a quick moving but it ended up staying all afternoon and evening.  Some areas got 24 inches of snow – still waiting to see what the ski resorts got.

So – story time. 

#1)  I suck.

Last night, after work, I drove to a class.  The roads and traffic were terrible and it took me almost an hour for a 20 minute drive.  Get out of the car – left my keys in the ignition.  So stupid.  So I called my husband to tell him he’d have to come get me when my class ended at 7.  Get up to class…late…and everyone is standing around…no teacher…no email about cancellation…no answer on his phone.  So after 20 minutes I called my husband again to tell him to come get me.  Did I mention our second car has an expired registration and we need to go this weekend to get it inspected?  So he comes out, 45 minutes later, we both drive another 40 minutes home and get back about 8.  What a crummy way to end a day.  Boy did I feel stupid. 

#2)  True Love?

So – I got married the summer of 2006.  neither of us are really big Valentine’s Day people and I don’t think we did anything last year.  I managed to buy a card at lunch time I think.  So today, I wished the husband a perfuctory Happy Valentine’s Day.  His response was, “Hmph.  I think I love you a little less today than all the other days in the year just because it’s Valentines.”  I had to laugh because I totally know what he means. 

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Life

Wow.  I’ve been so busy this past week or two – I practically forgot I had a blog!  We’ve been having snowstorms just about every other day, but this weekend is finally going to warm up.  We’re going to look at a house we saw For Sale by Owner and if we like it, we might talk to a mortgage lender.  I’m terrified at the prospect of making such a large purchase – all sorts of doubts and what-ifs…  Anyone else bought a home? 

How did you know it was a good choice?  Did you ever have regrets afterward – wish yuo bought a larger, smaller, more expensive, less expensive, or another home you might have seen?  We’re still only “browsing” since we live in an effing cheap apartment, but we are tripping all over eachother in our one bedroom place!

Also, next time I hope to get a review of Juno on here.  Here’s a sneak peak:  Love it!!!

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Learning

When I was growing up, my mother always told me that I could do anything I wanted if I tried hard enough.  I took that very literally.  I grew up quite a little perfectionist, always thinking 10 steps ahead, and always feeling that the only reason not to be good at something was lack of effort and laziness on my part.

Now I’m older.  Not a lot, but some, and I still have the problem of wanting to “do it all”.  I want to run a marathon, I want to ride in the LOTOJA bike race, I want to make quilts, knit, buy a home, go back to school, read a book a week, stay up on new music and media, travel the world, learn to cook, keep a clean house, keep a journal, and be a good person.  (Among other things…) 

Focusing and relaxing.  Both things that I need to work on personally and professionally.  I’m always getting worked up and overwhelmed by life and job stress.  What I need to do is focus all that negative energy on changing what can be changed instead of wasting all my time worrying.  Pick a few things, not 15.  I’m going to do LOTOJA this year, but a marathon will have to wait.  More immediately, I am going to do this stack of files, and that other stack will just have to wait when I can focus and be efficient when working on them.

It’s a lesson I’m trying to learn, but you really can do it all – you just can’t do it all at once. 

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White Out!

We’ve had absolutely crazy weather today!  Winds so strong that the news people keep getting knocked back and then snow, which in combination leave you with no visibility.  It’s really very beautiful.  I’ve noticed, however, that in nature beauty is so often accompanied by danger or death.  Deadly but exotic plant ans animals…the beauty of a storm that at the same time rips through towns and kills sailors…the peace and majesty of the same mountains that kills dozens every year. 

Opposition in all things.

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Good Things

Valtrex because I have herpes.

And by herpes, I mean cold sores.  I can thank stress and a cut on my lip for this aesthetic nightmare.  It’s the weirdest burning itching sensation on my lip and I end up feeling like some sort of monster.  Valtrex, 2 taken at the first sign and 2 taken 12 hours later usually prevents it from developing, but this time it didn’t.  I’m hoping at the least it will shorten the recovery period and lessen the symptoms. 

If you have cold sores, talk to YOU doctor today about Valtrex.  (Repeat this with the deep voice man from all pharmacuetical commercials.)

Today’s more useful recommendation is Tae Guk Gi a Korean war movie.  I have only seen half of it, but have been totally engrossed in it.  It’s gory, but there is enough humanity within the bounds of the story that you don’t just feel icky and wish you’d never started it.  It’s kind of a heart-wrenching story thus far, but I can’t wait to see the rest,

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Knowing Your Destination

Directions of “take this exit then go right – then left” are NOT good directions to take if you are directionally challenged like myself.  Also, forgetting your cell phone at home when you might get lost.  This is also a bad thing.  Don’t do it.

Today’s reccomendation is to know the exact address of your destination so when you stop for direction you don’t have to tell them you’re stupid as well as lost.

Also – DEATH CAB for CUTIE!  A new album in May.  Check out their older stuff.  I especially like the songs Photobooth & Title & Registration, but you really can’t go wrong with them.  If you’re in for something else indie, try WILCO

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